Clandestine Affairs, Part Two

Ani's journey continues.

I haven’t been “home” in months. It doesn’t really even feel like home anymore, to be honest. I bet all my plants are dead. I’m waiting for Chuck’s counterpart to give me the “OK” to go back, pack up some things, and leave that space behind for good. I’ve learned to not only live out of a backpack, but to also be okay with not having a home base. It’s weird, but I’m just doing what I’m told… as long as I remember that, I know I’ll be fine.

LAX ✈️ SYD

This week, I’m off to Sydney and trying to lay low during a layover at LAX. It’s storming and I hope my flight out isn’t delayed. Luckily, most people are watching for celebrities, so if I keep my wig secure and sunnies on I am probably fine. I find a quiet corner in the terminal, an empty spot just a few gates away from where I will depart, and quickly eat the pesto chicken and burrata salad I picked up from Pret A Manger after getting through security. My red eye leaves in just over an hour, and I can’t wait to settle in and get some sleep.

I can only sleep, and not terribly well, on a plane now. There are (usually) no surprises. I always book a first class ticket, tell the attendants I don’t need anything and do not wish to be disturbed, secure my eye mask and headphones, and I’m out like a light. On these long flights, I’ll watch something on HBO Max or read before reclining to catch a couple of long naps. I have fifteen hours to kill, and won’t be able to look at anything related to my actual work, so instead, I’ll replay my cover in my head and add little details to make it more authentic in case someone tries to chat me up. Like how my fiancé, Mark, just loves to play golf on the weekends and sure, it’s a little annoying, but he doesn’t complain about my weekly girl’s night so it balances out! I will add a little bit of a girly girl accent and really lean into being Sarah Carpenter, a marketing manager for a small company based in the Midwest. When the gentlemen wearing rings ask more questions, that’s when I say “oh, it’s boring, so why don’t you tell me about your family instead?” (That usually gets them to stop talking to me after a few minutes.)

I glance at my watch as I secure my AirPods. I don’t play anything, though. Every now and then I’ll bob my head about, making it look like I’m enjoying a playlist, but what I’m really doing is keeping an ear on the people chatting around me. You never know what you’ll hear… like the couple having a small squabble about the hotel they’ll be staying in, or the man on the phone at the bar talking to his financial advisor, freely sharing numbers and names and details…

I digress.

After I finish my salad, I decide to take a little walk. I have at least 30 minutes before boarding begins, so I head toward the shops. Might as well pick up something nice from one of the designer stops. I stop at the CNN Newsstand on my way to Hermes to get another bottle of water, a pack of gum, and the latest issue of Vogue to keep me company later. I pay in cash and as I turn around, I nearly run into someone. Sorry, I quickly offer, and try to move out of the way quickly.

“Wait a minute…” he says, as my gaze (still hidden behind my sunnies) meets his.

Oh no… no…

“You dropped this,” he says with a smile, handing me a hair band that must have fallen out of my purse when I paid for my magazine.

I laugh nervously. “Oh, thank you so much. Safe travels,” I say, and swiftly exit the store.

I don’t know why I still get so nervous. I’ve been living this life for a year now, and yet…

I find the nearest bathroom and duck into a stall at the end, one with a sink and mirror. I touch up my makeup, fix my hair, and run cold water over my wrists. A couple of deep breaths and I have it together again. Another glance at my watch tells me I have about twenty minutes before I can board. I like to board last — it decreases the chances of being seen by the masses.

Back on track, I have enough time to pop into Hermes still, maybe grab a scarf. I round the corner by Duty Free and I’m given the shock of my life.

It can’t be…

I nonchalantly try to pivot and change direction but I hear his voice call a name I haven’t heard in a couple of years.

“Lizzy? Holy shit, Elizabeth Gray? Is that you? I can’t… I can’t believe it,” his voice sounds just as shocked as my face must look.

“Bry — Bryan, hi,” I stammer, eyes darting around him, assessing. I’m constantly assessing. This can’t be happening. Not now.

“Um… well, this is awkward, to say the least…” He wrings his hands. My gaze drops to the floor and I hear my flight number being called over the PA. “Your hair…” he pauses as an inquisitive look creeps across his face. “So… Lizzy… What happened to you? Where have you been? You just up and disappeared… I would have filed a report but your mom told me to leave it alone and let you go.” He pauses and stares at me, trying to see my eyes through my sunglasses. “Man, I’ve thought about this moment for a long time and suddenly, I don’t know what to say,” he sighs. “So, I’ll just start with… why?”

If this were a television show, this is the point where the record would scratch and I would pop up on the screen and say “well, I bet you’re wondering how I got here.” Maybe I can explain that better one day…

I try to avoid saying anything, but I know I can’t. “It’s… it’s a long story, Bry, and I’m heading to my gate.” I know I sound like a monster, but what am I supposed to do? I don’t have time to get into this right now. Nor do I want to, ever, for that matter.

“Seriously?”

I let my hands drop to my side. “There’s nothing I can say in two minutes, Bryan, that will even begin to answer your questions,” I start. I’m so thankful I’m about to get on a plane, so I can avoid this for a bit longer. “I can’t miss my flight, I’m sorry…”

“Lizzy… you didn’t even say goodbye. I loved you. We were supposed to get married…”

The guilt rushes over me in waves. He didn’t deserve the way I up and left our life. But I had no choice. And I know I can’t tell him that. “I wish I could explain, but there’s more time I have to go, they just announced my gate is boarding…”

“Where are you going?”

I know I shouldn’t say, but I’ve lied to him enough. “Sydney. For work. Look… do you still have the same number? I’m back in a few weeks and can call you, I know owe you an explanation but I just… I can’t get into it right now.” I look past him and silently wish I wouldn’t have tried to visit the shops. I could have avoided this altogether if I just stayed near my gate.

A frustrated laugh escapes his lips. “Sure, yeah, my number is the same. Incredible, Lizzy. I can’t —”

I have to cut him off and raise my hand. “Bry, I’m sorry,” I say with all the sincerity I can muster. “I promise, I’ll call you when I’m back.”

And with that, keep moving. I walk to my gate without looking back. It takes everything in me to not look back. I have fifteen hours to rid myself of this guilt before I handle my next assignment.

I’m just doing what I’m told…

---

Sixteen hours later, I’m in a hotel room. Eyes bloodshot, dehydrated, and utterly exhausted. I turn on the shower, hoping to gain the second wind I desperately need. The steam rises around me, I drop my head and let the hot water run down my neck and back. I scrub my face and body as if I’m trying to rid my skin of the thought of running into Bryan. I can’t think about this right now, I tell myself. I spent the entire flight thinking about it instead of sleeping. It’s shit like this that makes me think I’m not cut out for this life… but then I remember the things I’ve done in the last two years that directly negates that thought.

The phone rings as I am turning off the water. I quickly dry half of my face and answer. The now familiar voice greets me. “Hello, Ani, I trust you made it safe and sound?”

“Yes, Chuck, I’m here.”

“Good, good. You will receive a package to your room shortly. You know the drill. I’ll be in touch.”

I wrap myself in the provided bathrobe and sit on the edge of my bed I pick up the room phone to order coffee. Hopefully it arrives before the package, I think.

Thankfully, it does, and I’m on my second cup when the package finally arrives. A welcome basket with local goods. I unscrew the lids off the jars to find what I’m looking for. Nothing in the jar of nuts, but the jasmine candle has a small piece of paper with coordinates. I punch them into the burner phone and flush the ripped up bits of paper down the toilet after confirming the location twice. I don’t have to wait long for Chuck to call back.

“Alright Ani, all set?”

“Yes, what’s next?”

“Head to that location and you’ll sit on a bench next to a woman in a red peacoat. Don’t say anything, just wait.”

“I know, I know. The usual, right? She’ll leave something behind and I’ll wait for the next instruction.”

“Splendid, you’ve caught on well, Ani. You’ll be one of my best before you know it. Take what she leaves behind in your purse I will keep you posted. Your new earpiece is in the box of chocolates in the basket, if you haven’t found it already.”

I keep thinking about yesterday and know I’m going to have to let Chuck know that I was recognized in Los Angeles the next time we’re together, which could be in a few hours at this pace. He’ll tell me what to do.

I’m a little relieved I don’t have the same phone number, so there’s no way Bryan can find me now, unless he suddenly changed his own flight, joined mine, and followed me from the airport to the hotel… but knowing him, there’s no way he did all that. I regret telling him I was coming to Sydney, but I take comfort in knowing I’ll be out of here within a day. That’s the best part of this life — I can be someone new, in someplace new, in the matter of hours.

I get dressed, secure my earpiece, do a quick sound check with Chuck, pack what I need in my satchel, and walk out the door to go do what I’m told.